Selfish Human

Yes, I’ll admit it, I can be very selfish. Who isn’t at times? But one thing is for sure, I’m not selfish all the time. Lately, I have been more, but that’s the fact that I’m needy right now and a huge change is going to happen in 7 weeks or less. Soon, I’ll never have the chance to be selfish again. So, what’s the point in being selfish now?
All my life I’ve felt like I needed to take care of people, make them happy and just be a controlling person. A good example is when I cook, I cook for an army… not just one or two people. All my life I’ve had the urge to make people love and care about me. I would lie on the ground and let hundreds of people walk over my body just so their feet wouldn’t get dirty from the puddles of life. Never once did I think about the consequences towards my own mental health.
Of course, at 13 that all changed. Through puberty and a series of horrific events I began to question everything…. including my worth. I used to be strong, witty, and opinionated, but by 13, I became meek, quiet, aloof. I’ve just now begun to find myself again. Bit by bit, I learned confidence and the fact that I make my own decisions. If those decisions make me a bitch or make someone unhappy, I shouldn’t beat myself up for it. So, for a time, I have been able to do that.
Yesterday though, I found myself reverting. And it wasn’t even during a time of me being selfish. I found myself questioning my worth, making everyone around me unhappy (inadvertently through text, one should never text important things… it’s official). So, here is my declaration: 1. I’m sorry for any pain that has happened to all parties (that includes me). 2. I am going to work hard on gaining what I almost lost… a person needs to be confident in themselves and the decisions they make. If it doesn’t make someone else happy, that’s their problem not yours. If that makes me selfish, kiss it where the sun doesn’t shine. If it makes me a bitch, bark. But remind yourselves, it makes you human.
Hello, I am a selfish human. Are you?