Understanding

There is a quote out there that says: “Life is a terrible teacher, she gives the test first and the lesson after.” And how true is that?

From previous blog posts, I’m sure you could tell that I had experienced my first broken friendship. Really, I’m surprised that at 24 years old I haven’t lost others from arguments. Through retrospect, I believe that the biggest offence I did (aside from the obvious ones that she finally told me and I was able to explain) is an offence that everyone does in their lives: Lack of understanding.

I have a lack of understanding her as a person. What her fears, emotions, dreams and just personality. All this is a mystery (I do know some things, but obviously not enough). I also have a lack of understanding about myself. Over the years I have been able to determine some of the more obvious personality traits, but others didn’t come into the light until recently. And so, even though you guys might not care too much, I am going to make a list of what I have found and then I can just direct future friends to this blog. Why? Well, it’s always good to have a reference of people you know.

Personality Traits:

Perfectionist- I want to make events perfect and because of this I push people away from the planning process. Depending on the extent of the event, I tend to over analyze and freak out through the stress. This causes the following: bitchiness, hyperventilation, confusion, shaking, and the normal anxiety attack symptoms.

Anxious- VERY anxious. Pretty much everything can cause this. Such as, hurting a person’s feelings, doing something wrong at work, not knowing what’s going on, etc. With my anxiety, if I’m REALLY stressed, I can come across as bitchy, but really, I’m confused and acting up.

Naive/Flighty/Innocent- I’ll be honest. I don’t know how to live on my own completely. I know that when push comes to shove I can, but right now… I can’t. If you know Glee, you’d know my blonde moments… yep, I’m a brunette, book smart version of Brittany S. Pierce. ‘Nuff said. These moments are connected to the next trait…

Cocky- I am very cocky and very much a smartass. This can make me seem like I am bitch or a bully. Honestly, I’m not. It’s really all a ruse. I try to be this way to gain confidence and shadow the fact that I’m more blonde than a blonde girl. Which is true, my 10 year old sister is a strawberry blonde and she is WAY smarter than I am when it comes to common sense. It’s only a matter of time before she’s book smarter.

Compassionate/Loving- One thing all my friends and family can agree on is that I am very family oriented. I literally go into anxiety attacks when someone I love is just minorly disappointed. I will bend over backwards for the people I love to make them happy.

Ultimately, everything is connected to my anxiety. The thing is, the bitchiness isn’t that prevalent. I really don’t see a reason to change who I am and even though I don’t like the fact that I can be this way, I love who I am. This is important for people to know. I love me. I love everything about me. And for the most part, everyone I love, loves these about me. There is no reason to change, but that doesn’t mean there is no reason for me to see the signs and correct accordingly. We all need to understand ourselves and others. I’ve been paying too much attention to other people and not enough attention to me (I don’t mean this in a selfish way).

So, from now on… I’ve decided to work on who I am and understanding who I am.