What the Future Holds

Last Friday I talked a bit about my own personal fears and worries. Well, today I’m going to talk about one that has been on my mind and is coming ever so closely. In fact, it will be happening in about two more months. And it terrifies me.

To start, I’m going to have to give you some back story. I’m not sure how long any of you have been reading this blog, but in the beginning, it was more of a daily rant blog than the reviews you see now. There’s a reason for that. I was going through a rough emotional time. I was either pregnant or going through post partum. I was unemployed, choosing to be a stay-at-home mom instead of working.

The thing is, I’m still fairly new to the employment scene. I’ve only worked about four different jobs. My first two were as a bookseller for Borders/Waldenbooks. My third was as an office associate. I was able to work for almost three years and even worked right up to my water breaking. It broke after my nap before I usually left for work.

I am currently on my fourth employment where I am a caregiver for my wheelchair bound younger brother, J. If you follow me on Instagram, you would have seen pictures of him. He’s awesome and my mom is amazing for asking me to do this. Actually, I’m inclined to believe she saw how much I was struggling. And I was.

For three years, I was having a mental and emotional roller coaster of postpartum, first mom worries, marital worries, self-doubt, and all of my normal depression and anxiety. I was a mess. I admit that. My husband knows. And as a family, with everyone on my side, we have ironed out a lot of what was going on. The big thing was, the moment Bug was able to move around on his own, mom asked me to help with J.

That was three years… maybe four years ago. It was a godsend for me mentally and emotionally because I wasn’t alone in the house with a little toddler. I was doing something, but I could still have Bug with me for the whole time. Once he started school, it was even better for me.

But now… well now mom has orders to move. She’s moving to her forever home. It’s a place that was a sanctuary for me, even though I had breathing problems there. What this means for me is that I’ll be without a job.

Well, not completely, I am writing. But, writing can only get you so far if you aren’t consistent and have quite a few under your belt. I consider myself lucky that I’ve gotten as much done with my writing as I have so far and I hope that it will grow, but I’m scared.

There, I said it. I’m scared that I will go back to that dark place. I’m scared that my current successes won’t be enough to keep me going. And most of all, I’m scared that they will die out and I will too.

It’s a lot to take in and I’m currently trying to figure out what I’m going to do alongside my writing. Which of course brings on another slew of worries, but that’s just me being scared that I’m not marketable enough to work.

So far, I’m thinking of freelancing as a proofreader or writer. I have a degree in Writing and it would make sense that I could do it for a job. I’m also thinking about library work. Hell, I even thought I could become a Hooters waitress because I’m spunky, like attention, and you can imagine all the interesting stories I could overhear.

What was the point of this blog post? 

To show that I am human. That we all are. We all have worries and we are all wondering about our financial future. It shouldn’t stop you from doing what you love, but it is okay to do what you love alongside working or perhaps finding a job that works with your passion. I’m also trying to air out my worries and help me feel better. After all, blogs are just like diaries. It’s just more out in the open.

Anyways, thank you for reading this. Hopefully I have a more interesting story or anecdote to follow in the future.

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